When It Rains
by HGAFFC
Summary: HGAFFC#3: I have always hated the rain. That's why I found it ironic when I realized it had always been our witness in everything that happened between us. It had always been there. Just like how I have always been there for him even if it hurts so much.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Gakuen Alice.

**Claimer**: This fan fiction and all errors it might contain are mine.

This is an entry to **Hilaire's Gakuen Alice Fan Fiction Challenge#3: The Art of Letting Go.** The prompt is to interpret the line: _"They say that if you truly love a person, you will let that person go, no matter how much it hurts you."_

_**Title: **__When It Rains_

_**Summary: **__I was always there. I was there when she dumped him. I was the one who comforted him and convinced him that he's not garbage. I was the one who cleaned up the mess she made. I was the one who held him up when he was so down. Even I ask myself 'Why am I doing this?' Why? Because I'm his best friend and I will do everything just to make him happy even if it means getting hurt._

* * *

The scene in front of me was just mind-blowing.

Koko, my current boyfriend, was right there kissing the very girl that crushed his world and broke him.

I staggered backwards, stepping on a twig. It snapped and caused the kissing couple to turn.

His eyes widened when he saw who witnessed the scene.

"S-Sumire…I-I..." he stammered.

Taking a deep breath I made my way to them. An ironic smile crossed my lips. "Heh. I always knew you still loved her you twat." I turned to the girl, smiled, and shook her hands. "I'm happy for the two of you. Best wishes." I turned away and walked fast.

She seemed baffled by my reaction. I bet she expected me to lash out on her, or slap her. Maybe as an instinctive move, she wrapped her arms around Koko. Well I wasn't going to do any of those. I know what she was trying to do, trying to look innocent so people would pity her. Pathetic. I'm not going down on her level.

It seemed Koko had removed her arms around him. I could sense him following me down the hallway, calling, "Sumire look, I- I can explain I—"

I stopped dead and turned to him. I sighed "What now?"

"Let me explain."

I looked at him incredulously. "What the hell are you saying idiot?" Crossing my arms in front of me, I continued, "What are you going to explain about?"

"What happened back there...I-I..." his eyes were cast downwards, stammering and biting his lower lip – just like every time he does when he did something drastic.

A sigh once again escaped my lips. Running a hand through my hair, I walked towards him and flicked his forehead.

He looked at me.

"I always knew this was going to happen."

Koko's eyes widened. He looked down again with a guilty expression. "I'm sorry."

I snorted. "You idiot," I said. "Didn't we agree that we would only see if this relationship would work?"

Koko looked up at my words. "Yeah but—"

"So we didn't work out. Big deal. It's not like we can't be friends anymore right?"

Koko sighed "That is what I was so afraid of."

Somehow, in spite of my current predicament, I managed to pull what looked to be a genuine smile. "Idiot. We've been friends since we were kids, best friends even, and that's not about to end just because of a girl okay?" I smirked "Now go on. Go back to Audrey-san, she's waiting for you." I took hold of his shoulders and turned him around. I nearly spat at my next statement. "Now don't blow this up okay?!"

The goofy grin was back. "Yeah, yeah." He took a few hasty steps forward, paused, and glanced over his shoulder. "So does this mean we're breaking up?"

I fought the strong urge to wince _'Well it's not like I have a choice now, do I? '_ is what I wanted to say. But not wanting him to feel guilty, I decided to joke about it. "Yes you moron. Can't you take a hint? I don't like you anymore. Now scram!"

Koko laughed before walking back to the girl. He had the nerve to give me a wave.

My gaze followed his back until he was out of sight, happy with her again. And me…

I smiled ironically, well me? I'm just back to being his best friend.

Deciding it was over, I made my way back to my room. I felt my knees go weak as soon as I entered my room, and I plopped down on my bed. I could feel a hot stinging sensation at the back of my eyes. Soon, something wet trickled down my cheeks. I raised my hands and felt the liquid streaming down my face. It was also probably messing my mascara.

And that's when I realized I was crying.

_Why the fuck am I crying?_

I grabbed a tissue from my bedside and wiped the mess on my face. Just when I thought it was over, flashbacks of what happened earlier replayed on my head. Waterworks resumed without delay.

How I managed to smile at the girl, shake her hand, and even joke with Koko, I had no idea. But I couldn't admit it to myself. I couldn't admit that _I lost_.

I rubbed my face with my hands and managed to get rid of some of the tears. But somehow, the tears just wouldn't stop.

I couldn't believe what was happening to me. I couldn't believe I just stood by the sidelines and watched. It was ironic, to think I fought for my 'love' with Natsume and Ruka for years. But when I finally felt it, the reality of the emotion I thought I had had…I just let it slip from my fingers. I had just let Koko get taken from me.

A flashback of a memory a year and a half ago entered my mind, and I couldn't help but smile at the irony of it all.

_A whisper._

"_Cute."_

_A few heads turn and snickers on both sides of me could be heard._

"_Gorgeous."_

_Another bout of heads turns and this time I too had join the snickering duo._

"_Hey Koko how about—"_

"_Hottie," Koko said at the exact moment Kitsuneme turned his head. Koko and I burst out laughing._

"_Man, Kitsu," Koko snickered as our laughter died down. Shaking his head, he continued, "I never thought you'd fall for it, dude." _

_Kitsuneme simply shrugged and grinned boyishly. "What can I say?" He flicked the collar of his shirt rather haughtily. "I always knew I was hot stuff."_

_Koko and I exchanged looks before laughter erupted once more._

"_Sexy," Koko blurted once again at the exact time I turned to face him._

_The two twin-like friends laughed. I was too stunned to even react. _

"_Hey that's not fair!" I reasoned "I was gonna ask you something when you suddenly piped up!"_

"_Aw Permy," Kitsuneme sighed, putting an arm over me. "Just admit that you fell for it too."_

_With a smile playing on my lips, I shook my head and brushed the arm draped over my shoulder. Through the years, I have learned to deal with Koko and Kitsuneme without exploding or scratching either one of them on the face. Yeah sure, I used to be annoyed at their childish antics but when you're in high school and everything seems serious, you need something to lighten up the mood every once in a while._

_And it just so happens that I was 'conveniently' put it the middle seat with the two clowns on each side since the first year of high school up to now on our last year and as much as I hate to admit it, it is kinda fun._

_Okay so I admit it's a lot fun, but it would be Doom's Day before I would even admit that out loud. And hell, was I just glad Koko got an Alice control device. _

"_Okay fine so I fell for it," I sighed, surrendering. Playing my part, I flicked my hair. "But I always knew I was sexy and that deep down you two always had got the hots for me."_

_Kitsuneme and Koko looked at each other weirdly, and eventually, we all burst out laughing._

_When the laughter ceased, I heard Kitsuneme whisper something that somehow managed to wipe the goofy smile off of Koko's face._

"_Audrey."_

_Koko didn't look at him. Instead, he looked dazed one second and smiling rather ironically the next. He just looked the other way._

"_Hey now, man." Kitsuneme stood from his seat only to sit on the table. He hit Koko on the head. "Don't take it to heart!"_

_The goofy smile resurfaced, but it was different. Somehow I could feel that it didn't reach his eyes like it usually did._

_I looked at Kitsuneme, who had a guilty face. And when I asked him why he just smiled sheepishly_

* * *

Audrey Morishima; mid-back black hair, round face, rosy cheeks and pinkish lips. With a bubbly personality, she was obviously to be one of the 'it' girls of the batch. She and Koko were a couple from the second year of middle school until halfway through our first year in high school.

Yep. You heard it right. She's Koko's ex.

The truth is, I don't really know what happened between Koko and Audrey. Heck, I hardly know the girl. All I know is that Koko was in love with her since we were in the sixth grade, and he only had the guts to ask her out in middle school.

Class 2-B was separated when we entered middle school and Koko, Kitsuneme, Anna and Nonoko were put in another class while I stayed with the others. It just so happened that Audrey was in the same class as them.

During those times, we hardly get to talk to each other because of our own schedules. We only get to see each other during recess and lunch and occasionally on the corridors. Last thing I heard was them breaking up, and I heard from the rumors that it was Audrey who had ended it.

Despite Koko being my best friend I never really knew the real story. Because I never really asked. Because it was not my business and I didn't want to be a meddling little bitch. Because it would be damn awkward. Because I don't care. Because…because…

Because I was scared. I was scared to ask him all along because I was afraid to see him break down, to see that usual goofy smile upside down.

It was fine really, after all as the saying goes, 'Ignorance is bliss.' Until one day, until that one faithful day…

_We were nearing the end of our first year in high school. I always went home late because of extra-curricular activities, cramming for tests and requirements. It was a rainy Wednesday and I had just come out of the gym from volleyball practice. On my way to my dorm, I had to pass the soccer field, and as I turned to gaze momentarily at the huge field, I saw him._

_There he was, just lying there in the open field drenched in the rain. My feet moved by itself and before I knew it, I was dragged in the field and I was beside him. I stared down at his miserable state and held my umbrella over him._

_I remember him vaguely looking up before sitting up and patting the space next to him, an invitation for me to sit beside him._

_Koko had always loved the rain. I hated it. I said it was annoying. He said it was calming and it washes away all the bad feelings and stress. So whenever he wanted to get drenched in the rain, it was either he was really happy, or he had something he wanted to forget. That day I was pretty damn sure it was the latter._

_I hate the rain. I really do, but that day I didn't know what came over me. Normally I would shout at him and snootily reply, "I won't have my immaculately ironed uniform be drenched in the rain and be stained by the grass," but instead I sat beside him still holding the umbrella over us._

_He leaned his head on my shoulder. Despite the fact that I knew I would get drenched, I didn't mind; I knew that at that moment he needed me. He needed his best friend._

_I tried to lighten the mood by starting a conversation. "So what's eating ya?"_

_I felt his lips slightly tug upwards before replying. "Nothing."_

_My face contorted to a frown. "You're out here getting drenched in the rain. It's not nothing if you're out here alone being all emo."_

_We lapsed in a comfortable silence. The only sound to be heard was the pitter-patter of the rain against my umbrella. The silence lasted for what seemed like hours until he decided to break it._

"_Have you ever felt so happy in your life? Like you think you have everything you have ever wanted? And then just about when you think, no, you feel that it's perfect and it might just be the one, something happens and it's taken away from you?"_

_That time saying that I was at a loss for words was an understatement. Koko never spoke like this before. Usually it was only mindless babbles and funny comments. Never before had he spoken the way he did back then._

"_Wh-what are you talking about? Is this some kind of—"_

"_She broke up with me."_

_My eyes widened and I immediately shut my mouth. Only moments later, I felt a hot stinging sensation at the back of my eyes. Before long, something hot was trickling down my cheeks. I just didn't know whether it was the rain, because, sometime in the middle of our conversation, I managed to drop the umbrella. We were both drenched by the pouring rain._

_A hiccup broke out and I knew I was crying. I didn't know why, but I just suddenly felt an overwhelming feeling of sadness. I wanted to stop because I knew that I was not the one who should be crying, and I was frustrated as hell because he would not even show what he was feeling. He still had that annoying goofy smile plastered on his face, even if, deep down, I knew he was hurting. I could practically feel the pathetic aura radiating from him. And there I was, the one who was perfectly fine and happy, crying with no apparent reason._

_I must be going crazy._

"_Hey, hey," he cooed, cupping my face and making me face him "Why are you crying, Permy? Is something wrong?" he asked with that goofy smile. But I knew better._

_I glared at him through my tears and the droplets of rain on my face. "I'm not crying because of me, stupid." I griped, and with a soft sob, I managed. "I'm crying in your place"_

_He looked at me with mild surprise. I felt his forehead drop on my shoulder, and next thing I knew his shoulders were shaking. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around him and just let him be._

_Something hot and wet dropped on my arms and I knew at that time that it was not the rain._

* * *

After that incident, they never talked. Whenever they would pass by each other in the corridors, they act as if they didn't even know each other. It was easy really; after all, they were in separate classes now. And the best part? No one really knew the story. Koko never told anyone unless they ask him, but the responses are always different. When someone asks how they broke up, Koko would just shrug and say, 'We got tired of each other' or 'I dunno. We just don't click I guess' and many more obscene alibis, never the reason. No one really knew except the two of them.

Some people would ask me but as I said I don't really know.

But then weeks after their break up I noticed girls kept giving Koko dirty looks. As if he did something unforgivable and Koko, being an idiot didn't notice of course. He was too naïve for his own good. At first I figured maybe it was just because of his pranks. I always give him that look when he does pranks on me, tenfold of their looks actually.

But one day I heard whispers on the hallway after our gym class

"_That Yome" I heard one of them saying as I pass by the locker rooms "I can't believe he's perfectly fine! He acts as if nothing happened!"_

'_What the?' I thought as I leaned in closer_

"_Yeah. After what he did to Audrey I can't believe he had the nerve to flirt with Shouda"_

_I glared at the wall before me. Just what the hell did Koko do? And I can't believe this. They're even dragging me to' her' shit!_

"_Saying that he loves Audrey one minute and then snogging another girl the next. The player"_

To say I was shocked at what I was heard is an understatement. Koko cheated on Audrey?

And that's when I decided that I had enough of this ignorance and that I just had to know why. Why they broke up and who really is to blame.

And I have a strong hunch that it's definitely not Koko.

* * *

"_Koko, why did you and Audrey break up?" I asked him one sunny afternoon while we were eating parfait on a café._

"_Hey permy! Look! The movie you've been dying to see is already out! C'mon let's go watch it!" he exclaimed as he stood up from his chair and made a move to drag me._

_I held my stance._

"_Koko" I sighed "Stop. Sit down" he obliged. I looked at him. He was looking down on his banana parfait like it was the most interesting thing in the world. _

_And just when I was about to speak he looked at me again with that pretend cheerful façade._

"_Hey perms, did you know that Iinchou is planning to ask Nonoko out? He was—"_

_But I cut him off shortly "Koko, as much as that gossip is tempting not to mention interesting, I have another gossip in mind" _

_He fought back a wince that unfortunately did not escape my eyes and he once again looked down and fidgeted on his seat_

"_Look love, I know you don't want to talk about this but I have to know"_

"_But Sumire I—" he sighed "I promised to say it to you when I'm ready didn't I?"_

_My patience is wearing out but I have to be tolerant with him if I want to ease him out into telling me what really happened._

"_I know you did Koko, but I can't stand not knowing anything! Especially when I constantly catch dirty looks being thrown your way and nasty comments about you. I'm your best friend for Pete's sake! I at least deserve to know why!"_

_A reluctant look briefly crossed his features before he took a deep breath and stood up_

"_Tell you what, I'll tell you as soon as we get out of here. I'm not really comfortable talking about it in public"_

_I nod as he paid for the parfaits and we exited the café._

_At the bus ride, I can't help but feel guilty with the way Koko look. He looks so vulnerable and he kept wincing every now and then._

_Kinda like the way I look when I discovered Mochu already have a new girlfriend just after we broke up. _

_And for a moment I considered not asking him anymore and just forget about it but then I tiny voice at the back of my head is telling me that if I don't ask now I might never know why._

_And that's why I just had to know. I just had to_

_The sky was beginning to darken and it looks like a rain is approaching when we went to the soccer field. The same soccer field I found him the day he and Audrey broke up._

_He sat down in the middle and he patted the seat next to him. I obliged._

"_I found her kissing Nakaharu-kun on the hallways a week before we broke up"_

_I looked at him surprised at what he said _

_I knew it. I knew it all along._

"_I was actually on my way to the dining hall when I decided to drop by the girl's dorm to pick up Audrey"_

_Droplets of rain began falling from the sky_

_I was controlling myself from standing up to barge into that witch's room to slap her "Why didn't you tell me?" I asked instead. I looked at him to see his reaction but what I saw infuriated me. He still had that goofy smile pasted on his face! He's not showing what he truly feels._

"_I didn't spoke a word because I was scared, scared to lose her. Scared that if I ask her about it she would break up with me" he scooted closer to me "I honestly think it was my fault. I didn't do my best to satisfy her. I'm still not enough. I'm still not the perfect boyfriend."_

_Rain started to pour hard._

"_I tried my best. I really did perms. But I still lack and maybe that's why she broke up with me. But what can I do? I'm just human aren't I?"_

_He still has that stupid goofy smile._

_Rage surged through me. I can't believe it. She did this to Koko. She made him feel inferior. That he's not good enough. She made him feel like garbage._

_She cheated on him._

_She cheated on him and even put the blame on Koko for everything_

_And he being the innocent naïve boy he is took the fall for everything. _

_A head dropped on my shoulder _

_He sighed trying to sound good naturedly "Aiayay, I blew it didn't I?"_

_I couldn't take this "Stop it Koko."_

"_Huh?"_

"_Drop that stupid smile and be yourself."_

"_I always have a smile Sumi—"_

_I looked at him straight in the eyes "Look here Koko. Listen to me and listen well. You didn't blew it alright?" I held his head in my hands, droplets of rain dripping from his usually spiky hair that is now sticking on his head "You are perfect the way you are. Do not ever and I mean ever feel inferior. You have a great personality and although you may not be as handsome and drop dead gorgeous like Natsume or Ruka you are charming and certainly eye catching. And believe me you are more than enough for me" _

_He dropped his head and held on to my arms._

"_I'm sorry I didn't believe you before Sumire. I was so stupid not to believe on my own best friend."_

_And before I knew it, he had lunged in for a hug and for the second time on the same soccer field with the rain as our witness Koko cried to me._

_

* * *

_

Honestly, I knew she was cheating on Koko long before that's why I wasn't too shocked when Koko told me the whole story. I tried telling the idiot before but he wouldn't listen to me. We even fought because of it. He said I was just jealous, jealous because he already found _the one_ while I hadn't. That I didn't like the girl because I think she would take him away from me. Pfftt. Give me a break. Me? _Jealous_? You wish.

So I never spoke about it. Ever. When I see her kissing the red-haired guy from another class, I just look the other way and pretend I didn't see them. That's why I was shocked and angry beyond belief when I heard her saying that they broke up because Koko was hard to trust. That _he_ was deceiving her.

I was so angry that I barged in their classroom and confronted her. If Koko hadn't arrived on time and held me back, I would have really scratched her eyes out. That little bitch.

Half way through our second year of high school, Koko started courting me. I was happy but also reluctant; of course, I knew I was just a rebound girl and the most hurtful part? I knew he still loves her. He just needed someone to clean up the mess she left. So after six months of courting, I said yes and he almost jumped in joy when I continued, "But if we don't work out we'll stay as best friends okay?" With that, his goofy grin resurfaced and I remember him replying a cheerful "Yes!"

The day we became an item Hotaru passed by me and whispered, "Don't let yourself fall too much."

I actually didn't comprehend what she meant, so I answered, "Why shouldn't I?"

She just sighed "Whatever. If ever you can't help it just—"she patted my shoulder, a rare gesture from her. "—don't let go of him okay?"

I was taken aback by her words. But now I know why.

And now it's too late, and I was so stupid not to have taken her advice.

Regret filled my being at this realization. My mind was flooded with so many things I wish I could've done but didn't.

I wish I could've cried earlier, maybe then he would have felt guilty and stayed by my side instead.

I wish I could've said "It's not okay", maybe then he would have been too scared to lose me as his best friend and stick with me instead.

I wish I could've been selfish like I've always been, then maybe now we would still be walking side by side our hands intertwined.

But I didn't.

And now he's gone. He's not mine anymore. I'm back to just being his best friend.

_To be continued._

_

* * *

_The next chapter will conclude this two-shot, so keep yourself posted and alert this story/account. Comments and reviews are highly appreciated. Thanks.

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**HGAFFC © Evette. All rights reserved.**


	2. Chapter 2

This is an entry to **Hilaire's Gakuen Alice Fan Fiction Challenge#3: The Art of Letting Go.** The prompt is to interpret the line: _"They say that if you truly love a person, you will let that person go, no matter how much it hurts you."_

This is the second part of the two-shot.

--

Life is so unfair. Then again when had it been fair?

But hell, this is just too much.

That little—I mean Koko's girlfriend is here again making her daily visit to her _oh so dear_ boyfriend.

"Koko-kun! Good morning!" she squealed.

God, I hate her voice. It's so high pitched and squeaky and….annoying. She's like a squeaky toy that when you squeeze her she makes this high-pitched, annoying squeaky noise.

"_Koko-kun! Good morning!_" I imitated her, quietly enough to be the only one to hear.

I felt Koko scoot over closer to me and I looked at him questionably at the sudden action.

Then I saw her seated on his other side and my blood just boiled. Why, the nerve of her. It's still early in the goddamn morning to be flirting for Christ's sake.

_It's okay Sumire; she'll be gone in about thirty minutes_.

I try to convince myself to calm down and ignore their flirtatious gestures and trying desperately to focus on my unfinished assignment.

"I love you coco puff."

_Snap!_

The lead of my mechanical pencil snapped.

"You too gummy bear."

Something else snapped and it's not my mechanical pencil. I'm pretty sure my whole body is shaking because Kitsuneme turned to me with a concerned look, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm fine" I sighed "I just…need to go to the rest room. Excuse me."

Kitsuneme stood from his seat to give way and I was about to open the door when Koko's voice stopped me.

"Hey, where are you going per—I mean Sumire?"

My eyes widen in shock. He never calls me with my name; he always addresses me with that annoying nickname I grew accustomed with. What happened?

A low growl escaped my lips at the conclusion that crossed my mind. Wrenching the door open I griped in response "Out."

---

And the days just went on as I pretended to be okay. We still talk but never as long as we use to do. He barely teases me and when he even as much as got closer to teasing me he would immediately stop and turn serious or change the topic. He already introduced Audrey to the gang and it went fine. I had to pretend to be in all smiles and repeatedly recite in my head that I'm happy for him. He hardly hangs out with us and we got a new seating arrangement so now _we_ hardly talk too.

I had already realized why he stopped calling me by that annoying and degrading nickname. It was because of Audrey. She doesn't want Koko calling others with their pet names. She likes it to be just between the two of them. At first I didn't notice, after all I was the only one he didn't call by pet names anymore, I concluded that he finally learned his lesson, but then he stopped calling Kitsuneme 'Kitsu' and Mikan as 'Mi-chan'. He now calls Iinchou by his first name. Nonoko's nickname, 'Noko-chan' which he invented, as if didn't exist in his vocabulary. He used to call Mochu 'Mochi' and Ruka as 'Ru-chan' and even the honorific 'sama' he always adds in Hotaru's name disappeared; it was replaced by a 'chan'. To say that Hotaru's stunned was an understatement but nevertheless she didn't say anything.

Now the only person he calls by her pet name is Audrey.

Oops. I mean _their _pet names.

Gummy bear and Coco puff? Just how corny is that?

It was fine on my part. That way I can get over him faster and move on to my life. I was finally, slowly accepting that I'll never be the one, when he just had to do the unthinkable one Saturday afternoon.

"_Hey permy" Mikan called out"We're going to Central Town you coming?"_

_I was about to say yes after all I needed a break after that long test week but then I saw they all had a partner._

_Mikan is with Natsume. Hotaru is already with Ruka. Nonoko and Iinchou are now an item. Kitsuneme and Anna are on their way on that stage and Wakako is with Mochu._

_Now just where do I fit?_

_I smiled regretfully at Mikan "Nah. I have volleyball practice. Maybe next time okay?"_

_She pouted but nonetheless surrendered "Okay but next time you'll definitely come alright?"_

_I just nodded my head as my friends made their way to the bus stop and me to the gym._

_PPPRRRRTTT!_

"_Okay! That's a wrap girls!"_

_Practice had just ended and I cursed in my head as I realized it was raining._

'_Damn it. Of all the days to rain why now?!' I thought crossly as I waited for the rain to stop or at least subside._

_My eyes narrowed in slits when I heard a familiar annoying giggle. They're here._

"_Yeah. I kno—oh hey per—I mean Sumire!" I heard Koko call._

_I can't help but roll my eyes at this. There it was again, the supposed to be nickname._

_I forced a smile on my face as I turned to face them "Hey Koko."_

"_Whatcha doin' here all alone?"_

"_Waiting for the rain to stop" I answered "And you?"_

"_We were just—"_

_He was cut off by his dear girlfriend._

"_We were just on our way to Koko's dorm" Audrey said emphasizing the words 'Koko's dorm'._

'_Do I look like I'm talking to you?' was what I wanted to spat on her face but decided against it. _

_To be perfectly honest, I am disgusted with myself. I was never this…patient with people but when it involved Koko and her, I don't know. Funny how I hate fake people but here I am being all sham, tolerating and pleasant._

_The things he does to me._

"_We'll be going now" she said and I merely nodded my head and turn my attention back to the pouring rain._

_I risk a glance at them and was surprised when Koko stopped and turned around and was approaching me again._

_He took of his jacket and draped it around me and I was torn between being entertained by his girlfriend's reaction or shout at him for doing something really stupid again._

"_What the hell are you doing?!" I hissed at him making an attempt to remove his jacket. _

_He just smiled goofily at me. That smile I adore and miss terribly._

"_Just to keep you warm. I know how much you hate the rain."_

_He squeezed my shoulders and with that went back to his fuming girlfriend._

_Tears streamed down my cheeks and in an attempt to wash them I ran in to the rain and I just continued to run until I can't run no more._

_I looked up to where my feet had carried me and I almost laughed in utmost irony of it all. Here I am standing in the same field I had found a miserable Koko a year and a half ago._

And I remembered my self curled up in a ball, crying in the middle of the field, pouring all my emotions, looking all pathetic and helpless.

Frustration, regret, happiness and guilt.

Frustration because I know I never stood a chance. Regret because when I finally had the chance I just let it slipped through my fingers. Happiness because I knew that he still cares and guilt because I know that deep down, even if I keep telling myself over and over, I knew I can never be happy for him.

Just how the hell can he do that?

I was moving along just fine. I was finally getting over him and was close in actually believing that I don't need him, that I'm just a friend. I was finally accepting that he has another girl and then he smiled at me—just fucking smiled at me—and it was all ruined. My resolve gradually crumbled into pieces.

--

We haven't talked since that afternoon just the occasional 'heys' in the hallways. Besides, he's always with his girlfriend there's no point in approaching him to try to at least talk to him for awhile, his little_ girlfriend _is either always around him or lurking in the corridors. Who knows? She might pounce on me while I'm still trying to approach Koko. So seeing it was futile I didn't bother anymore. When I see them approaching I just turn my back and walk the other way. Not that I'm avoiding him or anything, I just don't like to see her clinging to him like a koala. It's such a sore to my vision.

Mikan had once pointed out that I was just jealous and that was the reason I was avoiding Koko.

She had the nerve to say that I was jealous and was avoiding Koko!

For the last time, I am not bloody jealous and I am not avoiding Koko! I'm avoiding her!

The idiot just smiled sympathetically before asking "Are you sure _she's _the one your avoiding?" before walking way leaving me with my thoughts.

I sighed. In all honesty I was avoiding her.

Why?

Because I envy her.

I envy the way Koko look at her. The way his eyes would be glazed when he see her approaching. The way his usual goofy smile would turn into a genuinely happy one when she greets him in the morning and the way he talks about her like she's the most amazing person in the world. I envy her for having the ability to make Koko skip soccer practice just to watch her dance rehearsals. I envy her for having the power to make Koko pass on his and Kitsuneme's weekly pranking just to listen to her rants and complaints.

I envy her for the fact that she has Koko by her side.

I remember talking to Koko in the hallways to catch up on each other lives when she suddenly appeared and just like that it was as if I wasn't there at all. I was immediately cast aside.

--

"Hey Sumire!" I heard a voice call and I turned around to see Koko and _her _approaching.

_Oh no. I don't think so._

I quickly turned back and continued on my way.

"Hey Sumire! Wait up!"

Why is he still freakin' following me? Doesn't he get it that I don't want to talk to him?!

Someone took hold of my arm and I didn't have to guess who it was.

"Hey there, I was calling you."

I slapped his hand away before glaring at him "Yeah I know" I hissed.

"Then why didn't you stop?"

I risked a glance at Audrey and wasn't surprised when I saw her glaring at me. I merely cocked an eyebrow at her before looking back at Koko.

"Because I don't want to dumbutt" I griped turning around once again to leave.

He took hold of my arm again this time more forcefully and yanks me back to make me look at him.

"What the hell is up your ass Sumire?"

"Why the fuck do you care?!" I shouted and this time the irritated expression on his face was replaced by a serious one.

"Let's talk"

I struggled against his grip "I don't want to! I'm late for class!"

"Koko-kun" Audrey's voice broke out "Let's just go. It's clear that she doesn't want you here."

My eyes widened at this. Just what is she implying?

She tugged at his sleeve but Koko didn't hear any of her pleads and instead he dragged me by my arm towards the courtyard.

"Koko!" Audrey shouted.

The aforementioned stopped but didn't turn "Just this once 'Drie."

And with that he continued to drag the struggling me leaving her alone in the hallways fuming.

--

"Let go of me!" I shouted as I yanked with all my might against Koko's vice grip in my wrist.

He let go of me and stopped walking.

I caressed my sore arm and wrist as I realize where we are. We were at the same soccer field I always manage to see him all down and depressed.

I fought the ironic smile that wanted to escape my lips.

"Why'd you bring me here?"

He plopped on the grass and patted the seat next to him inviting me to sit next to him. Surprisingly enough I did.

"So why are we here?" I asked again squinting in the afternoon sun.

"You're avoiding me."

I widened my eyes slightly "No I'm not."

"Yes you are! I tried approaching you numerous times before but you act as if you heard nothing!"

I glared at him "Maybe because I didn't want to hear anything!"

He turned his body completely "Just what the hell is your problem Sumire?!"

I must be going crazy because if possible the raging anger bubbling in me increased because of the name.

"That! That's my problem! _You _are my problem!" I bellowed.

He looked at me with mixed confusion and irritation "What?"

"That! T- The way you called me just now!"

"What? Sumire?"

"Exactly!"

"What do you want me to call you then?! That's your name is it not?! What do you want me to call you?! That annoying nickname you loathe? _Permy?_" he said not with the usual teasing tone but with an annoying mocking tone.

I growled at this "Don't call me that."

He stood up and glared down at me "Then what do you want me to call you?! You hate the nickname! You don't want me calling me by your name! What's your problem?! "

I too stood up now "You! You are my problem! You and that little bitch you call your girl—"

"Don't call her that" he growled out.

"—friend! Since the day the two of you got together again,_ you_ changed! What happened to the pet names you used to call us? You suddenly become so formal! It's as if we're not your friends!"

"I called you permy earlier didn't I?" he reasoned.

"Yes! But you said it so mockingly!" I griped looking at him with rage "You barely hang out with us. You don't eat lunch with us anymore! And Kitsuneme! God! I can't even explain how pissed Kitsuneme is at you."

"Look I'm sorry if it feels like I'm neglecting you guys but Audrey needs me. Can't you understand that?"

"Koko, this is the girl that made you feel like shit a year and a half ago."

"She said sorry. Sumire you're my best friend. You of all people should understand me."

"No Koko, I _don't_ understand."

He looked at me incredulously before it turned into one of realization.

"I think I know what your problem is" he said sounding as if he just discovered the crime of the year.

"What Koko?" I hissed "Care to enlighten me just _what_ is my problem?"

"You—" he pointed at me "—are jealous."

Oh sweet mother of—

I can't believe he just accused me of being jealous. Of that little twerp no less.

Fuming I glared at him again "Jealous? You're accusing me of jealousy? With whom? With that-that girl?"

"C'mon Sumire you don't need to be jealous. Audrey's my girlfriend and you're my best friend, its different, nothing can take your place."

I looked down "Best friend huh?" I chuckled bitterly "Did you remember the way you felt when you saw Audrey kissing another guy before?" I looked at him. Tears from all the bubbled up rage and frustration inside me threatening to fall.

He looked shocked.

"That's exactly how I felt when I saw you and Audrey kissing when we were still together"

"Sumire… I-I..."

"You ask me if I was jealous? Then yes I am. I am jealous. Because may I remind you I'm your _ex-girlfriend _and your _best friend_" I shove him in the chest "And you know what else I'm jealous about? The way you treat her is completely different from the way you treat me when _we_ were together. The way you look at her, speak to her, _everything_. It was all different than the way you act when we were still dating."

I gripped his shirt "And you know what else I'm furious about?" I asked my voice shaking.

"The fact that _you_ are my _best friend_ and you chose to hurt me."

I shove him while still gripping his shirt and he stumbled backwards "And as a best friend you should've think first before you decided to hurt your _best friend_. As a best friend you should've at least thought about your _best friend's_ feelings before you ditch her for another girl. As a best friend you should've considered our _friendship_ because you know what? I was hurt Koko. _Hurt. _And now you wanna know why I'm avoiding you?! Why I didn't want to talk to you?! You're _fucking _asking me why?! Because I love you that's why!"

As soon as I said those words I immediately let go of his shirt and put my hands on my mouth.

We both look shocked.

"Sumire…I-I didn't know…I-I'm sorry…" he stammered.

"Don't. Shut up Koko. I don't want to hear it"

He was walking towards me but I was stepping back.

"Sumire—"

"Forget what I said. I don't need your pity."

And with that I ran away with all the pent up emotions in me now formed into tears that are streaming down my face.

--

"I told you not to let go didn't I?" Hotaru had muttered beside me.

It was already night time and frankly I didn't expect Hotaru to be there when I opened the door to the rooftop.

A bitter chuckle escaped my lips "I know Hotaru but I can't keep him tied up to me when it's clear that he loves somebody else now can I?"

She smirked "I really don't understand this stuff."

It was silent except for my occasional sniffs and soft sobs before Hotaru spoke again.

"But I do know something" she started "Sacrificing your happiness for the happiness of the one you love is by far, the truest and most unconditional type of love."

My crying ceased for a moment as I listened to her.

"So if he does not see your sacrifice, then it's fine. It's not your fault he's too stupid to not notice who really cares."

I wiped my tears with the back of my hands and smiled at Hotaru "Thanks Hotaru."

She smiled back "Since I'm feeling a little generous, I'm not gonna charge you for that."

I chuckled "Wow. That's a first"

She stood up to leave "Yeah and it'll be the last."

--

It's been three months since our fight and the talk I had with Hotaru.

And I could proudly say that I made it through without breaking down when I see them and no, I didn't try to avoid them. It would only give her the satisfaction.

But the sad thing was we now act like complete strangers. The occasional 'heys' were gone and not even the slightest glance were made.

And frankly I miss him. Not as my ex-boyfriend but as my best friend.

--

"Gah. I hate mid term exams!" I muttered to myself as I exited the gym. Volleyball practice just ended and now I have to study for the exams this week.

I was taking my sweet time strolling the long path of the courtyard. The sky is unusually dark and it seems like a rain is coming.

I knew I said I hate the rain and right now I don't have an umbrella with me but somehow I don't really care. I didn't even care when droplets of rain began falling and that my uniform is now having polka dot like stains on them because of the rain.

My feet suddenly halted on their own and I look up to see that I was once again on the soccer field where it all began. I saw a figure lying down in the middle of the field and smiled ironically when I recognized who it was.

I sighed looked up and shook my head in mock exasperation "God, why do you hate me?" and with that walk towards him.

My shadow looming over him he popped open one eye and smiled when he realized it was me.

He sat up and patted the seat next to him.

A serious case of déjà vu washed over me.

Rain is now pouring just like last time

"We broke up" he said with a smile.

I smiled half heartedly "Yeah so I heard."

Risking a glance at him I saw that the smile he had on was not a façade. It was his real smile.

"I ended it."

I smirked and gave him a pat on the back "Well, congratulations chump. You finally did it."

He sported a victorious smile and did a mock bow "Thank you, thank you."

We were silent as we enjoyed each other's company.

"I miss you" I suddenly blurted out.

He looked at me with that goofy smile that reached his ears.

"Aww…perms" he put an arm around me "I miss you too."

"Of course you did. You'd die without me."

We laughed .

We stayed like that. Drenched in the rain, his arm around me as I rest my head on his shoulder and his head rested on mine.

The rain is beginning to subside and I abruptly remember the thing that has been bothering me for quite a while.

"Koko?" I called "Have you ever said the 'three words'?"

He looked baffled as he removed his head on mine "The what?"

I sighed. Guys are so slow "You know. The love words."

Realization dawned on him and his mouth formed a perfect 'O'.

"Nope. Never. Unless you count my mom and dad then yes I have."

"No you twat. I meant to the person you love the most."

"Nope."

"Not even to Audrey?"

"Nope."

I paused. He never said it to Audrey?

"Why?"

He was silent for a while his gaze far away as if reminiscing and I waited for his answer patiently.

"Because someone once told me that you should only say those words when you're ready and when you feel that the person you're going to say it to will return it."

"Was it not Audrey?"

The sun is now beginning to appear again as it's now getting ready to set.

"Nah, I have someone else in mind I wanted to say it to one day, when I'm ready."

He looked at me with an unusual twinkle in his eyes

And I have a hunch of just who that someone might be.

--

"Koko! Slow down dammit!" I called out as my feet are already sore for running after him on heels.

"Hurry up permy! We're gonna miss the bus!"

He was walking backwards with that 100 watt smile of his directed at me.

He stopped to wait for me as I rested my hand on his shoulder and catch my breath. After awhile we continued walking again.

"Slowpoke" he remarked.

I punched him lightly on the shoulder "Shut up."

Then I saw a familiar group of girls with a certain black haired girl in the middle approaching and was looking at us, particularly at Koko.

I stiffened and my eyes narrowed into slits.

"Hey Koko" she greeted flirtatiously to Koko before sparing a glance at me in acknowledgement "Shouda."

I merely nodded my head while Koko smiled at her "Hey Morishima"

I wanted to smirk at the way Koko called her.

She grimaced at this "Aww…Koko don't be like that just because I dumped you. Aren't we friends?" she said with a pout while baiting her eyelashes and laying a hand on Koko's shoulder. Her posse giggling at her back

Surprisingly instead of being angry or down Koko's smile turned into a smug one.

"Just for the record Morishima," he started, laying a hand over Audrey's "_I _was the one who dumped you and I'm truly sorry you can't get over it"

I snickered as I witnessed the hilarious expressions Audrey is portraying

"And yeah sure, we can be friends"

She snatched her hand away "What, you already found a rebound girl?" she asked sounding as if no one can replace her.

Koko merely smirked "Yeah and she's not a rebound. As a matter of fact" taking my hand in his, intertwining our fingers and I was caught off-guard when he pulled me closer "You're making her really jealous."

Audrey looked incredulous. Then she looked like she was ready to pull her hair before letting out an angry shriek and walking away exactly as the rain started to pour.

I looked at him with a smirk and said "So is this your crude way in declaring I'm now your girlfriend?"

He looked at me with a tender smile. More loving and gentle that I ever saw him smile.

"No. This—" he motioned to our intertwined fingers "—is my way of asking you to be my girlfriend"

He leaned in closer his damp hair tickling my nose and I can't help but blush, he laughed "You're blushing!"

"S-shut up!"

I looked away but he held my chin.

"And this—" he leaned closer our nose touching and our lips centimeters apart "—is my way of declaring you are now my girlfriend."

And we kissed.

He kissed me ever so gently and I wanted to melt then and there. He moved his lips fervently and I opened my lips partially to grant him entrance as he deepened the kiss. His tongue danced with mine as I return his kiss with equal passion. He snaked his arms around my waist as I put mine on his neck. He tasted of vanilla and mint mixed with the essence of the rain and it was all…perfect.

Eventually we have to part for air and he smiled down at me.

"I hope this doesn't affect our friendship" he joked.

I smiled back at him "Never" and gave him a peck on the lips.

We both know none of us are prepared to say the words yet but then action speaks louder than words right?

He kissed my forehead as we walk back to the dorms hand in hand.

"I thought you hate the rain?" he asked.

I hummed "I used to. But then I know this certain someone who really loves the rain and well… he kinda rubbed off on me I guess."

"He must've been a real awesome guy to be able to influence the great Sumire Shouda"

I smiled "Yeah. He is"

_End._

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